The News at the Door

That day began insignificantly. I went to work at my parent’s business. I caught a bus to pick up a box from the airport with items from my recent six month trip to Europe. I met an old friend for lunch in a city park. We talked about bicycles. I crossed a busy road, too recklessly. Carelessly. But then, I was still at least eight hours away from being acutely aware of my every movement. It was hot. It was late February. I can’t remember if it rained that day. It did after. That, unlike almost anything else that followed, seemed to make sense.

July 21, 2016

anxiety

When walking is enough

3am. It’s become his hour. Doesn’t matter that we’ve just moved house. That we, his parents, are weeks behind on sleep. That the corridor looks different. Sounds different. No more creaky floorboards, but a whole lot more mileage between his room and ours. Maybe that’s the point. This kid with mussed-up bed hair that makes him look so cool and so young all at once, he climbs out of his ‘down-bed’ that he shares with his sister, and trips his way over toys and bedding to the light. And his high, distinct three year old voice calls it out loud and clear: ‘Mam-ma’.

July 13, 2016

Faith

A Note to all us Mirror-watchers and Scale-scalers

Our almost five year old, she stands in front of the mirror bold and studies herself with a child’s clear-calm and she sees it too, what we’ve all been seeing, in the new level of her dress, the inching of her toes over her shoes… ‘My legs are getting longer,’ she says with glee.

June 9, 2016

loss

The Mixed Emotions of Mother’s Day: Guest post by Sue Crowley

Today we are doing something a little different in this space. My dear friend Sue Crowley is visiting us to share her thoughts on what she rightly calls “the deeply complicated day” that is Mother’s Day. Sue is a surgical children’s nurse with a heart that pulses with compassion and creativity. Through sharing some memories of her own mum, who she lost seventeen years ago now, Sue speaks for all those who find Mother’s Day carries extra freight.

May 6, 2016

Amazing Grace

To the Believer who thinks they have to hold it all together: It’s okay to be not okay

Psalm 139:12. Romans 5:8-10. 2 Corinthians 4:7. On those days (or weeks, or months) when it feels like darkness is a swooping bird hanging over your head that just won’t let you go, remember: It’s okay to be not okay. Really.

April 30, 2016

anxiety

As long as she carried that torch: An illuminating tale from a family holiday

It began simply enough, as significant events often do, with an exchange of gifts between young neighbour-friends on our shared front-lawn before we departed for an early holiday. It was starting to rain, and we adults were pondering the vicissitudes of the sky, when upstairs neighbour O, the eldest of the clan of kids, appeared with her signature blue gumboots. But instead of putting them on her own feet, she passed them to our daughter E. For jumping in muddy puddles, O elaborated, echoing wisdom imbibed from one of their mutual heroine’s, Miss Peppa Pig.

April 23, 2016

Faith

The gong of mother guilt

We had this ‘situation’ the other day. While I don’t think I should share all the details, I imagine you’ll still be able to get the picture. Let’s just say one of our children was less than perfect. While it was no surprise to me that our curly blond-headed, dimpled, oh-so-blue-blue-eyed offspring could misbehave, there was a slight difference in the scenario this time: the misbehaviour happened while I wasn’t there. I was working, or resting, or one of those things I do when I’m not hanging with the three. I wasn’t there.

April 13, 2016

anxiety

The Waiting Room: Our unexpected path to parenthood (Pt 2)

I left off the first section of this story at the turn of the years 2009-10, our fears and desires dangling prayerful and hopeful as we sat by the water of Lake Jindabyne. We were a month away from moving to a new city, a new job. Would a change of scene also mean a change of circumstance, a shift of inner landscapes as well as outer ones… perhaps even a resolution to our infertility impasse?

April 4, 2016

endometriosis

The Waiting Room: Our unexpected path to parenthood (Part 1)

As I write this, Baby J has been taking his first hearty, wobbly steps towards walking. Any moment now he’ll work it out and then he’ll be off…leaving his well-scuffed knees for a more upright view on the world. Perhaps even in time for his first birthday. That’s right, in just a couple of days our third child, our uncanny surprise, our marvellous medical mystery, our God gives even more one, will be crossing over from the measured-in-months age bracket to solid figures.

March 22, 2016

pregnancy and parenting

No-one Told Me Parenting was an Adrenal Sport

Heart beating fast. Arms flying. Limbs flailing. Grabbing for breath as I grab for supplies. Frantically pinning down a restless torso with one arm as I reach out quick-as-I-can with the other, only to realise I don’t have what I need. A dart of a glance downwards and I run for it, hoping nothing dangerous will happen while I’m gone…

March 15, 2016